OH, BALLS!

During a meeting today, a Lebanese woman was telling tales about how she had fled her home country to come to Australia, scared of being killed in the wars going on in Lebanon. She told us how she and her family constantly feared for their lives while living in Lebanon, and how moving to Australia was the only way she and her family could feel safe.

It got me thinking about a story I'd heard on the news a few years back. A story about a family living next to a school in Adelaide, and who, in their opinion, lived in a warzone just as bad...
You see, this family had to go through the terrible pain of...oh, i can barely say it, it's just so horrible.
The family...had to endure the terrifying events of one or two sports balls from the school next door landing on their roof every now and then for a few years.
According to the family, a ball or two had been hitting their roof everyday for six years. One family member stated that they had had "about 1500 balls"
They'd had 1500 balls? THAT'S ONLY A FEW HUNDRED LESS THAN ONE MS HILTON.
Anyway, heres what we know:
-a ball or two everyday for six years
-about 1500 balls in total.
Now, i'm no maths wiz or professor/scientist, but there are 2189 days in six years, so for a ball or two to land on the roof EVERY DAY for that entire time, there would've have to have been somewhere between 2189 and 4388 balls on their roof.
COULD THEY HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS STORY MORE DRAMATIC THAN IT REALLY WAS?
I'll let you decide. Keep in mind, while being interviewed, a member of the family said that it was "like living in Beirut."
Yes, THAT Beirut.
I'm a fair man, so before i go jumping to any conclusions or sending threatening mail to senile old men, I thought I'd run a little test.
Below are two photographs; one is of a roof with several balls on it, and one is of Beirut during war times. CAN YOU TELL WHICH IS WHICH?

GIVE UP?
Answer: the one on the RIGHT was Beirut. Don't feel too bad if you got it wrong though, I thought I was seeing the same picture twice too.
In fact, if you talk to any Lebanese person, i'm sure they'll all say the same thing:
"The explosions are terrible...it's almost like living in a small, non-warzone suburb in Adelaide, with a ball occasionally landing on your rooftop."

Anyway, back to this family...there was a family member- an uncle I believe, who told reporters he had to take medication to deal with the noise. Not just any medication though, DIABETES MEDICATION. Yes, diabetes medication because of those DAMN BALLS HITTING THE ROOF OCCASIONALLY.
I understand the uncle is now taking his medication directly through a drip, as the sound of the pill bottle unscrewing made him feel like he was being held hostage in Baghdad while Iraqi buildings blew up around him.



I believe Samuel L Jackson is currently staring in a movie based on these events. It's called Balls on a Roof, and I hear he is "SICK OF THESE MOTHER FUCKING BALLS, ON THIS MOTHER FUCKING ROOF."
In cinemas on Boxing day. I suggest seeing it in surround sound- It'll make you feel like you're surrounded by a bunch of senile old wankers who believe a ball hitting thier roof is equally as bad as living in a warzone where bombs and gunshots are constantly heard, and ones safety is never certain.